Sex on the Beach

No, I’m not talking about the sinfully delicious cocktail, I’m talking about honest to goodness beach BANGING. The whole concept has a passionate, romantic connotation, and after this summer, I definitely have a few opinions to share.

First off, the prettier the beach, the more careful you MUST be. Pretty beaches traditionally come with GORGEOUS, soft, powdery sand. And that sand WILL get everywhere, and I do mean EVERYWHERE. So think about that for a second…Most of my experiences with this occurred on rocky beaches or beaches with grittier sand that wasn’t as sticky.  However, if you really start to get hot and heavy on the powder, find a nice big beach towel to lay down on, or don’t say I didn’t warn you…think SANDPAPER. DOWN THERE.

Second, I recommend girl on top for any beach shenanigans. My reasoning for this is very simple. Female sex organs are internal, which means sand and other things can literally get INSIDE us. Whereas men have their sex organs outside of their body and don’t harbor the same risk. Girls, if you’re on top, you’re farther away from the sand, which means you’re more likely to escape that sandpaper feeling I was referring to…

Third, unless you own your own private island (in which case, INVITE ME), chances are, your beach sex will be taking place in a tourist destination which means avoiding other beach goers as well as the authorities. And THINK OF THE CHILDREN. To combat this, one, obviously go under the cover of darkness, preferably between the hours of 2 and 4am to have best chance of privacy. And SECOND, wear a dress. You can just pretend you’re cuddling or play fighting if you get caught on top of one another but everything is still hidden under the dress.

Ok, lastly, sex on the beach can be difficult to pull off due to the aforementioned. But honestly, what cancels all of that out, is the spontaneity aspect. The idea that you’re with someone and you have to have them, RIGHT there, RIGHT now, on the sand. Honestly, as long as you don’t get caught by the police, the other stuff doesn’t really matter, and it’s pretty fucking hot. 10/10 highly recommend.

One Reply to “Sex on the Beach”

  1. As someone who lived by the beach for most my twenties and early thirties, I can validate these great suggestions you have shared. I’ve probably gotten caught nearly 50% of thee time by beach patrol, but was worth it non-the-less. Also, just making out or cuddling on the beach can be almost as memerable… a blowjob on the beach definitely doesn’t suck either. The skirt idea is a good one.!

    The worst time I got caught – a famous comedian was giving me head and two patrol trucks with spotlights caught us (or her) square in the act). I guess we were drunk and to distracted to notice them coming up on us.


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