“My Boyfriend Thinks I’m Fat!”

You guys remember that line? In “How to Lose a Guy in 10 days”? Where Kate Hudson is pretending to be a vegetarian so she and Matthew McConaughey are at this horrible vegan restaurant and she basically shout-cries “My boyfriend thinks I’m fat!” and then Matthew McConaughey freaks out and the waitress gives him like THE dirtiest look? (Here is the link in case you haven’t seen this cinematic masterpiece of a scene)

Now, I’ll admit, I used this line as a little bit of clickbait because MY boyfriend does NOT think I am fat, nor has he ever insinuated it which is the point of this article.

When you’re in a relationship, you want the other person to love everything about you. And as much as some of us claim it doesn’t matter, we also want them to love everything about our appearance. Which is why comments from them about our appearance can affect us in mysterious ways…

For example, a guy I dated once said he liked long nails. So I got acrylics. He never said he didn’t like my nails, but I know I never had any interest in having longer nails until I knew how much he liked them. Ergo, I later realized how much of an impact his passive opinion had on my actions.

One of my guy friends starting wearing his hair a different way one day when his crush made a brief comment on a photo she saw. Another friend dyed her hair blonde because her boyfriend said he missed her blonde hair.

Sometimes, I can’t even tell if I’m wearing an outfit because I love it or because I know my boyfriend will love it. To be fair, there’s nothing wrong with doing little things to make your significant other happy, but it becomes scary when people realize they can prey on their partner’s insecurities.

You remember the fat comment? Well, I doubt such an obvious insult would be used, but instead, people could say “Do you really need that extra piece of bread?” or things like “Why did you do that to your hair?” or “I really miss when your arms were bigger”. These sorts of comments can come from anyone — candid family members, toxic friends– but somehow it stings more when it comes from someone who you hoped worshipped your every particle.

Plus, some people really know what they’re doing and can time these sorts of underhanded comments to tear their partner down, and make sure their self-worth only comes from the relationship. The issue with this kind of interaction is that it can be extremely complicated to spot. The difference between “I miss when you were blonde” and “Why did you do that to your hair?” is difficult to distinguish, and a lot of it comes down to circumstance and context. However, at a certain point, these subtle digs become emotional abuse.

I didn’t mean to get so dark in this article, but if you’re in a relationship or are into someone, just be aware of what you do for them, as opposed to what you do for you. You’re never REQUIRED to change your appearance for anyone, even a romantic partner. It’s cliche, but true. If you pay attention to how their comments affect your actions, it will be easier to pick out instances where they make you feel special, or when they make you feel awful. Then you can give out hugs, discussion, or CANS OF WHOOP-ASS accordingly.

 

 

mybfthinksimfat (2)

My face when I’m about to tell someone off

 

 

Advertisements

The Only Makeup Products You Should Ever Worry About

To be clear, you don’t NEED any makeup or beauty products EVER. You can do whatever you want with your face and there are no MUST – haves in terms of beauty (so don’t let all those adds tell you otherwise). However, in the event that you are just starting out with makeup or want a better idea of what to invest in, keep on reading.

I am the first to admit that I spend WAY too much money at Sephora, but recently I’ve been noticing that I’ve cut back. There are certain products I’m drawn to every day, whereas others fall by the wayside. Listed below are the ones I’ve noticed I actually use every single day and the ones I think are worth having around.

Necessities:

1.) Concealer: If nothing else, I always wear concealer. Many times I have bad skin and use foundation as well. But while I wear concealer without foundation, I never wear foundation without concealer. Concealer is highly pigmented and can be used to cover up under-eye bags, redness, and blemishes. All things the lay-person suffers from, and for that reason, I believe it is indispensable in a beauty routine for appearing fresh faced. I personally use it to conceal my prominent under eye darkness, redness around my nose, and any blemishes that have decided to curse me that day.

2.) Blush: Blush and concealer go hand in hand for me in appearing healthy and awake. Blush is simple, takes seconds, and provides a flush to the cheeks implying good health. Unless you are naturally ruddy, blush can go a long way in a beauty routine. My skin is naturally colorless. I look pretty dull when I wake up and concealer only goes further to make my face appear lifeless and flat (although clear!), so blush helps add some dimension and life back in.

3.) Brow pencil: If you are blessed with lovely, thick brows, then feel free to skip this bullet, but as we’ve seen in recent beauty trends, brows really do frame the face and filling and shaping them up a bit can add dimension to your features. Luckily, I’ve found very little difference between expensive and drugstore brow pencils so this one is easy to come by. My brows are pretty thick as it is, but I find this product useful for filling in sparse spots, and defining the shape at the ends.

4.) Eyeliner: To be fair, this one might be optional for a lot of you. However, I never leave home without at least a little bit of this stuff smudged into my lash line. It adds drama to the eyes, and that’s my favorite feature, so this might just be personal preference.

5.) Mascara/Eyelash Curler: I’ve lumped those two together to impress upon you guys that eyelashes are important! I need the eyelash curler because my lashes basically point down into my eyes, but I know many of you are blessed with beautiful upwards facing lashes and therefore only would want to add some mascara. Mascara darkens and thickens lashes to add more definition and bring attention to the eyes, and I believe it is one of the pillars of a makeup routine.

 

makeupyouneed1

Left to right: Kat Von D Tattoo Liner, Nars Radiant Creamy Concealer, Stila Smudgestick Waterproof Eyeliner, YSL Touch Eclat, Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Wiz, Maybelline The Falsies Mascara, Shiseido Eyelash Curler, Hourglass Ambient Lighting Blush

 

I realize that this is only five products and I’ve designed it that way. We are so overwhelmed with needing this new mascara or that new bronzer and we accumulate makeup that we could never possibly use. I hate that idea of wasting product and wasting money, so I’ve kept the list trim. However, below I’ve shared the other products that still get good use in my makeup bag, but are not absolute essentials for me.

Nice to Have:

Foundation: This product simply evens out your skin tone and will cover up any redness, minor spots, or darkness. It’s great to start your makeup with this, but if I can, I try and get away with just concealer on most days.

Powder: Powder is nice to add to a routine if you are oily or if you prefer a matte finish to your makeup. It can help reduce shine and also keep your makeup in place. I usually need this on my T-Zone, especially on long work days to keep everything in place.

Bronzer: In our current age of contouring, bronzer can be a useful tool to either add a sunkissed glow or to bring out your bone structure. However, I don’t find this necessary to use every day. However, I do sometimes use it in place of blush to add dimension and life to the face.

Eyeshadow: Eyeshadow is so versatile you’re probably asking yourself why it wasn’t included in the list of necessities. This is because although eyeshadow can be a great tool for adding more dimension to your eyes, I find that enough definition can be achieved through eyeliner and mascara alone. Plus, eyeshadows come in an overwhelming array of textures, colors, and formulas and it can be stressful to narrow down a collection of eyeshadow.

Lipstick: MELINA. WHY. I know, I know. Lipstick is very important to a lot of people, but for me, it’s just not necessary. Most of the time, it’s rubbed off before lunch time in an unsightly manner and I hate worrying about reapplying. If I must use something, I’ll use lip balm and a slight lip tint.

 

makeupyouneed2

Urban Decay Naked2 Basics Palette, Lancome Dual Finish Powder Foundation, Chanel Vitalumiere Aqua foundation, Clinique Chubby stick intense, Bobbi Brown Bronzing Powder

 

In the end, remember, you don’t NEED anything. But if you’re looking to pare down your routine, or get started in the beauty world, just know that you can achieve great looks with only a few key products. Good luck!

Bitch Sessions: My Body

My torso is too long. My nose is too big and it has a bump in the middle and at the end. My skin keeps breaking out on the right cheek, the left cheek…my forehead…oh fuck it. There are these stupid dark, dark hairs that grow under my chin. My butt is too small and too flat. My thighs feel enormous when I sit down. My body hair grows at the speed of light and I’m perpetually coming up with new ways to deal with the hair on my upper lip. My toes are too long. My right knee looks permanently bruised. The eyelashes at the outside of my right eye refuse to curl. My nailbeds are miniscule and my ribcage is too big.

I could go on and on and on. There are somedays where absolutely nothing looks right. My hair won’t cooperate. I keep finding spots where I missed shaving, or every outfit I try on makes me feel fat. No matter how much moisturizer I’ve used, how hard I’ve worked out that week, or how much sleep I’ve gotten. I just feel ugly.

These are the days where I feel too tall and too fat next to my shorter, daintier friends. These ar the days, I wish my hair was blonde to show more texture. These are the days where I wish my nails were longer so it would actually be worth getting a manicure. These are the days I wish my shoulders fit into shirts that were the right size for my torso. And so it goes…

The thing is, those days happen to literally everyone. And if you think celebrities or all those gorgeous famous people are immune, take a look at the hate they get day in and day out on social media. If you think they never get insecure, you gotta remember they’re human.

That girl with the gorgeous hair sitting in front of you in class? She might wish her long hair wasn’t so damn flat.

That guy with the washboard abs? Maybe he hates that he can’t grow a beard.

That woman with the amazing makeup? She might complain her eyes hape isn’t good enough for eyeliner.

The point is that everybody has their insecurities, EVERYBODY. But honestly what matters is how you rock them. There are certain things that are in your power to eliminate (take THAT, upper lip hair) and certain things that aren’t (my ribcage isn’t getting any smaller), and you have to take those ones you can’t change and own them. Confidence is the only thing that matters in the end.

For example, even though I have bad days, most days, I’m still able to think like this:

I have beautiful eyes with great eyebrows. My lips are proportional to each other and to my face. My ears are small and lie flat. My hair is thick and healthy. I have great legs. My cuticles are perfect. I love my collarbone and I think my breasts are the perfect size. My body can climb, run, swim, and jump with no problem. I think my bellybutton is cute and I like the little moles I have on my body.

And so on and so forth. I know this is a cheesy message but there really is no Instagram model, actor, politician, classmate, parent, friend, or partner that has never had any insecurities about their appearance and honestly, that is a-ok. And if you’re reading this, I just want you to know that there is always more than one perspective and if you find yourself in a negative-hate-yourself fest, remind yourself it’s normal, and then find another perspective.

mybody

Talk to Me, Baby

Awhile ago I did a post about asking for what you want in a relationship. I went over things like not getting angry at someone when they can’t read your thoughts, getting space, or asking for a little extra love and care. What I did not really touch on was asking for what you want in bed.

I’m not talking about dirty talk. That’s a whole other ball game– Fuck me harder; I want you inside of me– Those aren’t what I’m referring to. I’m referring to the simple act of making sure you get what you want in bed.

I won’t embarrass my boyfriend too much by oversharing, but I will say that we were trying something new in bed the other day when he used a phrase that threw me off. It wasn’t anything mean or unusual, but it totally got in my head and killed the mood for me. As any chance of my orgasm slipped away (not forever, just in that moment, jeez), I told him that I didn’t think I could come, and that I thought what he had said had affected the outcome.

It was literally that simple. I said, “I don’t think I’m going to come” and then I said, “When you said _______, it really got in my head and then I couldn’t get past it”. We talked about why it may have put me off and then we agreed to make note of it in future instances.

I can name tons of instances like this one. Smaller ones like, “Can you shift your weight to the right side?” or bigger ones like “IT BURNS, NO, STOP”. Just kidding…

I’ve known tons of friends that let these small things go. They either pretend to be really into it, or they passively allow it to continue. This goes for girls and guys as many feel awkward about these small, unsexy moments. But EVERYONE has those things they really like or really don’t like. Maybe you hate someone’s tongue in your ear, maybe this position strains your back, maybe there’s like one little hair down there that is being pushed around the wrong way. NOTHING IS TOO SMALL.

So let me put it this way. In most situations, sex should be a consensual, mutually beneficial affair. Which means, not only do both parties (or more, I’m not judging) want to enjoy themselves, they want the other party to enjoy themselves. Half the fun of having sex is being able to literally have influence in the pleasure for another person. So if we think about it this way, by bringing up these small requests you will enhance your own sex life, as well as your partner’s.

What are you afraid of?

-That it’s not sexy to ask? Well does being uncomfortable feel sexier?!

-That the other person will be mad? Kick them out then, they sound horrible.

-You’ll kill the mood? The mood is clearly already dying for you anyways, so do what you can and SAVE IT!

This topic honestly kills me because the reasoning against asking for what you want or what you don’t want are so small in the grand scheme of things. And hey, if you’re in a relationship, look at this as a long-term investment. You mention something once, and it might cost you a bit of awkwardness, but you won’t have to worry about it again! And if you’re not in a relationship, it’s good practice for all the different kinds of sex you’ll be getting. However, I will say there is one exception to this. It can be awfully hard to ask for what you want, if you don’t know what you want and I will definitely be covering that soon!

 

talktomebaby (2)

Happy banging….

 

How to Survive Long Distance

I never thought long distance was a sustainable way to have a relationship. Hell, I don’t even want to drive across town to see someone much less fly or take a road trip! But sometimes there are extenuating circumstances and your heart says “do it! You love him!” even though your brain says “really? This is going to be expensive, and time consuming…is he worth it?” However, I have now been in a pretty great long distance relationship for about nine months now and there are definitely some pros that outweigh the cons.

I live in Los Angeles and my boyfriend lives in Calgary, Canada. So right out of the gate I had to decide if this was something I wanted to be serious about. You don’t start flying around the continent for someone you only kinda like. He and I had to really talk about what this was going to be and by virtue of those discussions we cut the bullshit pretty fast because we just didn’t have the resources to waste with the whole – don’t want to look like I’m trying to hard—phase that usually comes at the beginning of modern dating.

Secondly, having a long distance relationship creates a weird sense of balance for me. Because we only have limited time together, when we do have that time, we make sure it is quality time. Lots of going out and doing things together, quality cuddles, and of course sex like three times a day. But when we aren’t together we are each able to focus a lot more on our own lives, our own careers, and our own friends. There’s not that weird tug at the back of your head that questions how much time you should be spending together. You already have a fixed quantity so it’s like a decision has been taken off your plate by the nature of your circumstance.

Lastly, I believe it improves communication. My boyfriend and I are lucky enough that we really only spend a few weeks apart at a time. However, during those times apart, we FaceTime almost every evening and text sporadically throughout the day. As great as technology has gotten, there are still miscommunications and other flaws of wifi-only communication, but this isn’t always a bad thing. I think having to navigate the communication challenges has made us trust each other more and make a much larger effort to discuss things that feel a little off.

I won’t lie, there are a lot of negatives to being in a long distance relationship. To be frank, it costs more money and time. As I write this, I’m on the second leg of a flight up to Canada. Secondly, and this is perhaps the biggest negative in my eyes, is that you miss all that interim space that is so important to relationships. You know when you’re just hanging out in the same room and you manage to get yourselves into this great conversation about life, or something? You can’t really have that when you’re doing long distance because all your time together is scheduled. We can’t just decide to have a great conversation every night on FaceTime. Sometimes we don’t really have much to say.

In the end, I now believe that long-distance can work, both parties just have to be willing to put in the effort. There are two things that I believe are most important if you are in a long distance relationship or are considering one:

  • Communication! As I said above, this can be hard, but it is vital! You basically have to make up for all the time you don’t get face to face time, so having clear and frequent communication will make you feel much better about where you guys stand as the relationship progresses.
  • Trust. If you don’t trust the other person, stop right now. You’ll drive yourself nuts worrying about what the other person is doing all the time. There will be stretches of hours, or days, or even weeks, when one person is super busy or just not very responsive. You have to be able to deal with that and trust the relationship or you’ll stress out and probably cause the relationship to implode. You can’t have any relationship without trust, and while doing long distance, it is imperative.

It’s been really interesting to explore doing something I thought was only for love-struck romantics (what have I become?!) or for the movies and it’s nice to see that in today’s globalized society, not only are these types of relationships becoming more common, but they are becoming much more fun.

 

 

longdistance

Me freezing my ass off for my Canadian boyfriend…