Happy Birthday To Me

Today is a Wednesday which means I’ve released this blog post, but it is no ordinary Wednesday because today is ALSO my 23rd birthday! 23 is not exactly a milestone year (I still overpay for rental cars), but for me, it was a huge year. Unluckily, my birthday takes right after Christmas, BUT right before New Years when everyone is reflecting back on the last calendar year. So just remember that I’m posting my reflection as a result of my BIRTHDAY, not the New Year. Good, glad we got that squared away.

The Biggest Deal of My 22nd Year: I moved to Canada. I’ve posted tons about this already, but feel free to go back and read the saga thus far, here, here, and here. This one is actually twofold, because not only did I move to Canada, I moved in with my boyfriend which I’ve never done before. DOUBLE WHAMMY.

The Biggest Trip of My 22nd Year: I travelled a lot for business in the last year — Riverside, Salt Lake City, Seattle, Everett, Boston, San Francisco. But I also got to do some travel for pleasure — U.S. West Coast Road Trip, Calgary, Vancouver, The Grand Canyon. But by far the biggest and baddest trip I took was to Peru in the spring. I saw some incredible Incan ruins, ate some amazing foods, and am finally starting in on visiting South American locations! I wrote a couple travel guides if you’ve been researching vacation destinations, so you can check those out here if you want.

The Saddest Moment of my 22nd Year: The weekend before I left for Canada, one of my friends treated me to a trip to Disneyland with a group of us (I had NEVER been, shocking, I know) and we stayed there all day until the World of Color show and I got so sad because I realized that even though there are a lot of things to hate about L.A., I had grown rather attached and I was going to miss my friends so much (also the nostalgia of disney movies was really tugging at my heartstrings).

The Biggest Milestone of my 22nd Year: My current relationship is the longest relationship I’ve ever been in. At the time of this posting, my boyfriend and I will have been dating for a year and a half which is DOUBLE the time I have dated anyone else. What can I say, he’s a keeper.

The Worst Things that Happened to my Body: I’ve slowly been learning to ski over this past year, which has equated to many, many large and ugly bruises. I sprained my ankle before hiking Macchu Picchu in Peru. I’m pale now that I moved to the Great White North. AND, for the first time in my life, I have started getting dandruff sporadically. Don’t know how, but it was bad enough to make my scalp bleed. On the bright side, I finally started using foot cream and I don’t hate my feet anymore.

The Biggest Career Moves: I’ve been at the same job since turning 22, but since starting it a little over a year ago, I’ve moved from knowing nothing about the field or the job to running my own projects and feeling comfortable sticking up for myself against colleagues or clients with decades of experience on me. Plus, I just got a raise which is always nice.

There were, of course, tons of other little things that happened this year that made me feel the whole range of human emotion but I wanna give a little shout out to some specific people that made my life pretty great. In no particular order:

  • Kiki – My sister, my biggest entertainer, and my best supporter, with the best taste in everything
  • Mom & Dad – You guys are lumped together because I have another post planned on how much I appreciate you 🙂
  • Michael – You’ve been so patient and so amazing in helping me move, and you’re a pretty awesome boyfriend/roommate.
  • T – We didn’t talk much this year but I know you’re always there, no matter what
  • Alex – We both left the U.S. and you’re still the friend I talk to the most. You never fail me, and I hope I never fail you.
  • Hannah – Even though you left me to get married haha, I know I can talk to you about ANYTHING and that I couldn’t have done Pepperdine without you.
  • Tiff – Where would I be without our deep talks? You are so warm and wise and I miss getting coffee with you so much!
  • Clara – I think we’re kindred spirits. Dark, sarcastic, and love a great steak. You never fail to cheer me up or send me great memes.
  • Ash – You’re an amazing friend to have. You’re whip-smart and your energy is infectious.

I know there are a ton of people I didn’t list (that’s the dangers with these damn things) who affected my life this year in a great way, but the people I called out were the people I really leaned on. It was tough to put the following in a list format with the rest of my year, but I went through a lot of periods of being down, lonely, or just not feeling that awesome and these were the people that were always there no matter what and who could always make me smile, so thank you!

In any case, that about sums up 22 for me and now that I’ve thought about everything this year held, I’m pretty excited for 2018. I already have trips planned, activities on my list to learn, and career moves to explore. Bring. It. On.

 

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PC: Kiki Moussetis

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Bitch Sessions: Whiners

I haven’t done one of these in a while because nobody has really pissed me off lately (probably a good thing, I’m spending less time being angry). However, I connected with an old friend the other day and one of my biggest pet peeves resurfaced.

I don’t know if there’s really a name for this, but it really chaps my hide when people repeatedly complain about things that are completely within their power to change.

There’s that friend who always complains that they are out of shape but they never even consider setting foot in a gym or eating a vegetable.

There’s that friend who complains about how their crush is using them but they make no effort to remove that person from their life or reshape their feelings.

Or, there’s that friend that complains about how they are poor or wish they had more money/resources but they do the bare minimum at work and don’t make any extra effort on the side.

Of course, there are exceptions to this. Sometimes people don’t have the power, they might be encumbered by mental or physical illness or have suffered from some other enormous setback. These are NOT the people I’m talking about. I’m talking about the people that just don’t want to put in any effort above the baseline, but who ALSO have the nerve to whine about their lives constantly.

Don’t get me wrong, everybody is entitled to a good venting session. Sometimes things really do suck and you gotta get that negative energy off your chest. But the healthy thing is to get those feelings out and THEN go and fix the situation. If you just let it fester, then one of two things is happening: 1. You are ridiculously lazy. This is possible, but it is more likely the next reason 2. You like the attention you get from complaining so often. Friends and family want to help loved ones in need and you prey on this kindness. The people you complain to sympathize, they listen, they offer advice, they validate your negative feelings, and you thrive off of it.

This is a tough cycle to break because friends/family want to offer support, but their support isn’t supposed to feed the complaining. It is supposed to make you feel loved during a time of need and give you the platform to make a change. You’re not supposed to lay on that platform until someone props you up, you need to harness that love and MAKE YOUR LIFE HAPPEN.

UGH. It drives me absolutely bonkers when I see people constantly whine about things they know they can change. This is why I usually get labelled as the ‘mean’ or ‘callous’ friend. I can always get behind a good venting session (clearly), but I refuse to let them take advantage of my support and friendship. If you have a friend like this, point it out to them, because they sure as hell aren’t going to change on their own.

 

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Friends don’t let friends become whiners

 

 

 

Motivation vs. Discipline

One question that I get all the time is “How do you stay motivated?”. I get this question in all contexts —  when I was at school:  “How are you motivated to get your homework done early?” When it comes to fitness: “How do you stay motivated to workout in the mornings?” Working from home: “How do you stay motivated to stay on schedule?”. The answer to these questions is simple: I don’t stay motivated. I stay disciplined.

The thing about motivation is that it is short lived. It doesn’t last long in anyone’s mind no matter how productive you are. You might be feeling inspired and energetic for a few hours at best, and then that energy wanes and you return to feeling just as you did before your burst of enthusiasm.

Discipline, on the other hand, requires consistency. It’s not that I’m motivated to workout every morning, it’s that the activity has become a habit. There are plenty of days where I don’t particularly want to go to the gym, complete my work to-do list, or really do anything remotely productive. It’s not motivation that keeps me going, it’s sheer willpower.

Willpower, however, is arguably finite. When we wake up in the morning, we have a certain amount of willpower to make healthy decisions for our selves, and as we tire throughout the day it gets more difficult to choose the options that aren’t the easiest. This is why I workout in the morning. I know internally, how great I feel after a workout, and I ALSO know that when I reach the end of my workday, I really don’t feel like going to the gym. Because I know this about myself, I can plan around my own willpower.

The same thing goes for my work. I know myself, and I know that if I wake up without a plan for the day, I will get next to nothing done. However, I religiously make a to-do list for myself the night before, and I also keep a planner with all my work-related tasks up to date. The satisfaction of forcing myself to complete a task so I can check it off my list is so rewarding for me and that is how I stay on track during the day. I even make checklists for myself on weekends so I can make sure I run certain errands or get extra work done.

Working out in the morning, making lists, and a number of other things I do to stay productive are all habits borne out of discipline. Even though they started out as strategies to work with my brand of willpower, they require almost no willpower at all anymore since I’m so used to them. The important thing to remember is that the hardest part of any task or new endeavour is the beginning. Once something becomes a habit, it becomes an after-thought, like brushing your teeth every day.

While motivation can be a powerful tool to get you started on a new undertaking or push you to completion on certain projects, it’s not dependable enough as a way to keep you productive all the time. Use motivation when it comes, but when it goes, remember that it is more important to be consistent. Recognize when you’re naturally the most productive and utilize that time to bang out your most important goals. And if nothing else, do at least one little thing every day to get you closer to where you want to be. Pretty soon, all that consistency will form a habit and motivation will be like the cherry on top of a productivity sundae (wow that sounds like the most boring ice cream creation ever but we could all use some of that, right?).

Let me know what strategies you use to stay on track with your goals!

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Moving to Canada, Take 3: High High’s, and Low Low’s

November was a very strange month for me. However, this was the first WHOLE month I spent in Calgary so I finally got an accurate picture of what living here is actually like.

First off let’s talk about the high’s. Since I got my routine figured out in October, in November I was able to break out of my shell a little bit. I would go on walks around the city by myself, I would take breaks to go work in different cafe’s, and I signed up for ClassPass to try and find some fitness classes that I liked where I might be able to meet people. I’ve even been skiing every weekend in an effort to improve my deplorable skills before a group ski trip in a couple weeks.

My social calendar was also surprisingly full. There were dinners with my boyfriend’s family, one of my boyfriend’s friends came to stay with us for a week, there was a banquet at the flying club where my boyfriend won an award for most proficient private pilot (yes he flies planes, it’s nbd), there was a fondue night with friends,  I cooked my very own Thanksgiving dinner, and we hosted a game night which of course, got very heated (Monopoly will do that to a person).

However, even though November was super busy and a lot of the activities I described above made me smile, there was also the feeling of soul-crushing loneliness brewing beneath the surface. Ok, ok, I know. There’s no need to be so dramatic, BUT, this month was the definitely hardest thus far. My poor boyfriend doesn’t know what to do with himself because he’ll see me happy at an event on one day, and the next day I’m crying in the bathtub all evening.

Even though I’ve been extremely busy, I can’t help but feel that I’m losing myself in this new place, and allowing myself to be absorbed by my boyfriend’s life. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy hanging out with his family and friend’s and am enjoying (mostly) learning new skills like skiing, but I don’t have anything yet that’s my own. Back in L.A., even on my loneliest days, I had things that would make me feel peaceful and grounded. I would go to the beach alone for hours, and I had restaurants and cafe’s near my apartment that I could rely on for comfort food or green juice, as it is in SoCal. And of course, most importantly, I had friends nearby that I could reach out to who could help me through any negative feelings or just to discuss life with. I realized the other day that I hadn’t had a deep or open conversation with anyone here besides my boyfriend. Those types of dialogues are how I build friendships and not having them has really been taking its toll on my emotions.

Overall, this month still had more high’s than low’s, but the lows were just super low. I’m trying new things all the time, but I’m just at a loss with how to create my own life here. I know building a new social life takes time, but in the interim, I would at least love to find a few things here that make me feel independent and in control. Honestly, the mission for December is to just do as much as possible before I leave for Chicago to celebrate the holidays (AND my 23rd birthday, wow). I know that trip will perk me up a bit, so right now it’s my light at the end of the 2017 tunnel.

 

 

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If I look like a deer in the headlights, it’s because that’s how I feel about my life right now. jk, it’s because my skis can smell my fear. PC: Michael Lankester