I mentioned this briefly in my first post in this series but the hardest thing about this break up for me has been the forgetting.
It’s knowing I will forget the feelings I had for my ex over time, but also knowing that he will forget his feelings for me as well.
This is the part that truly kills me about this breakup. It’s the fact that we were literally part of each other for so long and we won’t be able to keep that anymore.
Eventually, I’ll forget the exact shade of blue of his eyes. Eventually, I’ll forget what his laugh sounded like. Eventually, I’ll forget how he would concentrate when making cappuccinos. I’ll forget that he would put brown sugar in everything. I’ll forget everything eventually. One day, he will just be an idea of someone I loved.
He’ll forget me too. He’ll forget how I got mad over open chip bags. He’ll forget what my skin feels like. He’ll forget the face I make when I’m trying not to laugh. He’ll forget what my shampoo smells like. He’ll eventually forget everything about me that makes me, me.
Of course, we’ll both remember events. Like our trip to Peru, or things we did in Calgary and LA. But those are just pins on a timeline.
I will eventually forget how it truly felt to be on top of Macchu Picchu with him. He will eventually forget how it truly felt to swim close to me in the Mediterranean Sea off the coast of Santorini. We will both eventually forget how it felt to people watch from Bottega Louie together in LA.
We may never forget that we did those things, but we’ll forget how we felt doing them together and that wrecks me.
The only bright spot I can think of in all of this is in the fact that the forgetting helps with moving on. It’s devastating to forget these feelings, but it would also be devastating to still feel them when you can’t even have the person that’s causing them.
In other news, here’s how I’ve been coping in real time –
- I bought a slinky red dress, a ton of skin care, and a ton of earrings
- I am actively trying to text my friends and family to fill my communication void. I already apologized in advance for spamming them.
- I became obsessed with a certain anime. OBSESSED.
- I also look at my old messages with my ex to talk myself out of reaching out to him (most times this works, sometimes not)
- I workout a lot
- I’m also making a ton of life changes (more coming soon)
Do what you gotta do, right? This marks the end of my heartbreak series for now. If you want to recap, you can start with the beginning here.