I haven’t done one of these in a while because nobody has really pissed me off lately (probably a good thing, I’m spending less time being angry). However, I connected with an old friend the other day and one of my biggest pet peeves resurfaced.
I don’t know if there’s really a name for this, but it really chaps my hide when people repeatedly complain about things that are completely within their power to change.
There’s that friend who always complains that they are out of shape but they never even consider setting foot in a gym or eating a vegetable.
There’s that friend who complains about how their crush is using them but they make no effort to remove that person from their life or reshape their feelings.
Or, there’s that friend that complains about how they are poor or wish they had more money/resources but they do the bare minimum at work and don’t make any extra effort on the side.
Of course, there are exceptions to this. Sometimes people don’t have the power, they might be encumbered by mental or physical illness or have suffered from some other enormous setback. These are NOT the people I’m talking about. I’m talking about the people that just don’t want to put in any effort above the baseline, but who ALSO have the nerve to whine about their lives constantly.
Don’t get me wrong, everybody is entitled to a good venting session. Sometimes things really do suck and you gotta get that negative energy off your chest. But the healthy thing is to get those feelings out and THEN go and fix the situation. If you just let it fester, then one of two things is happening: 1. You are ridiculously lazy. This is possible, but it is more likely the next reason 2. You like the attention you get from complaining so often. Friends and family want to help loved ones in need and you prey on this kindness. The people you complain to sympathize, they listen, they offer advice, they validate your negative feelings, and you thrive off of it.
This is a tough cycle to break because friends/family want to offer support, but their support isn’t supposed to feed the complaining. It is supposed to make you feel loved during a time of need and give you the platform to make a change. You’re not supposed to lay on that platform until someone props you up, you need to harness that love and MAKE YOUR LIFE HAPPEN.
UGH. It drives me absolutely bonkers when I see people constantly whine about things they know they can change. This is why I usually get labelled as the ‘mean’ or ‘callous’ friend. I can always get behind a good venting session (clearly), but I refuse to let them take advantage of my support and friendship. If you have a friend like this, point it out to them, because they sure as hell aren’t going to change on their own.