4 Fitness Myths to QUIT Believing

It seems like despite the U.S.’s rising obesity rates our obsession with fitness and health has never been stronger. Never have there been more goods and services on the market promising to make you stronger, faster, healthier, or more beautiful. It seems like every time I turn around there is a new ‘health’ food being included in everything from salads to ice cream, or there is a new exercise class that promises celebrity athlete level abs in just ONE CLASS (for the low price of way too much money plus tax).

Don’t get me wrong, I am a strong proponent of health, nutrition, and fitness, and I do recognize that most of these trendy products and classes are just harmless trends with great marketing. However, there are some products and ideologies that keep permeating the fitness industry and are actually making it harder for people to get to the fitness level they want, or they are just downright damaging and dangerous to the body. The items below are myths that seem to stick to the industry no matter how many people debunk them, but dammit if I’m not going to at least tell my friends and family what they should be wary of.

  1. Right off the bat, my least favorite myth is that weight lifting makes you bulky. This one hits home for me as a woman because so many of my girlfriends have been terrified of lifting heavy weights or doing anything besides cardio because they didn’t want to become too buff. I want to point something out about this myth that should be obvious. Have you ever seen a bodybuilder? Do you have any idea how many hours and how much work you have to put into lifting to even get close to being described as bulky? The answer is A TON! And I promise you that you would definitely know if you were putting in that kind of work. We’re talking multiple hours at the gym every day, lifting HEAVY weight, and a strict diet to get those muscles to grow. I’m willing to bet that most of the people who will read this are definitely not putting in that kind of work, I know I’m not.
  2. In the same vein, another fitness myth that persists is that cardio is the only way you can lose weight. I’ve had a lot of friends only do cardio in the gym and tell me it’s because they want to lose their fat before they start building muscle. While cardio is an effective way to burn calories, I wouldn’t say that only doing cardio is the most effective. Many people don’t know that the more muscle you have on your body, the more energy you burn even while at rest, even while SLEEPING! Doing a combination of cardio, and other types of exercise can make your weight loss journey faster and more efficient than just running endless miles on a treadmill.
  3. Alright, let’s get to a flat out ridiculous trend that has gained traction in the past couple years: Detoxes. A whole slew of ‘detoxing’ juices, teas, and supplements promise to decrease the nasty things in your body, decrease bloating, and increase your energy. ALL, I repeat, ALL of these products are a load of crap. Your body already does an amazing job of detoxifying itself. Ever heard of your liver? Your kidneys? Those are your detoxifying instruments. Your body is already working to clarify your body as you read this, and I promise you an overpriced juice cleanse will only make you hungry and cranky. Furthermore, some of these products are downright dangerous. The detoxifying teas you see all over Instagram are nothing more than glorified laxatives. Most of them are not necessarily even FDA approved and can seriously damage your intestines and stool if you’re not careful.
  4. Ok last one, and this one is more cautionary. Scientific studies about health and fitness products appear all the time. You know the ones: “Studies show that one cup of coffee a day can increase weight loss!”. I’m not saying ALL these studies are complete BS, I just want to note that MANY are. First off, we have the problem of fake news so it might literally be completely made up. Secondly, many scientific studies are sponsored by companies and are therefore swayed to a certain result (like if Starbucks sponsored the coffee study. SURPRISE SURPRISE, coffee is good for you, buy more coffee, give your money to Starbucks, who cares about your health). And lastly, even if these studies are real, and not swayed by capitalism, many haven’t been replicated, and many haven’t even used sample sizes that are big enough or control groups. Scientists need to get published and flashy experiment results are great marketing. Quite a lot of problems with these ‘studies’, huh? I don’t want to make it sound like ALL research is bullshit, just make sure you do a bit of your own before believing someone else’s.

The world of fitness, nutrition, and wellness is flush with information and it can be easy to get caught in these niche tips and tricks that promise great results. When looking for advice, ask yourself if you find yourself being sold something as you’re reading/watching/listening? If a product is being pushed, chances are you need to dig in more before committing. And just for the record, the only method I know of that GUARANTEES results is hard work in he gym, and keeping your diet on track. Pure and simple.

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Silence is Not Golden

Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the last two weeks, you know that racist tensions in the U.S. have yet again come to a head, this time in Charlottesville, Virginia.

I’m not going to go into the whole story of what happened in Virginia, you can read about that event here. Instead, I want to talk about how that event, and events like it, is perpetuating a state of intolerance in the U.S., and what can possibly be done to combat those feelings.

Anyone that knows me already knows that I sway towards the liberal side of politics, ESPECIALLY when it comes to social justice issues. However, I don’t have to tell anyone that the events that occurred in Virginia were awful, but what I do feel the need to say is: what did you expect?

SO many people think racism is dead in America. They think there are no more marginalized groups, they honestly believe that discrimination and prejudice are ideals of the past. And then events like Charlottesville pop up, and people are SHOCKED that something like this could occur in their country, and you know what? THOSE are the people I’m most appalled at. Unlike those people, I knew that racism wasn’t dead, I knew that there were alt-right extremists out there congregating and planning because I paid attention.

While I absolutely condemn white-supremacy and anybody who decides it is their right to decide that certain lives are worth more than others, I also want to take this moment to call out those Americans who have committed a different kind of act worthy of condemnation: Willful Ignorance.

Too many Americans have decided that these issues don’t concern them, too many Americans have decided not to educate themselves on current events, and WAY too many Americans base their viewpoints on perception and false rhetoric rather than facts and information.

Racism in America is an issue in which it is not acceptable to not take a side anymore. You can’t just say ‘Oh I never gave it much thought’ because events like Charlottesville are plastered EVERYWHERE. You don’t get to pretend hatred and intolerance don’t occur in your very own backyard, and you certainly don’t get to pretend that you’re not a part of the larger issue. In case you were wondering what this kind of pretending looks like, take a look at how our woefully incompetent, PR disaster of a president responded, here.

Not all issues have the ability to feed on indifference, but unfortunately, this one does. Because as a white person, if you stay silent on these issues and think to yourself ‘Well this doesn’t affect me’, even if you’re not a white supremacist, you are helping their agenda. Because by staying silent, you are no longer standing up for what is right and what is just, and what America is SUPPOSED to stand for. You either believe every person has the same rights as every other person, or you don’t. There really isn’t an in-between section on this one.

All I would like to ask each and every American to do is simple: educate yourself. And educate yourself on both sides of the argument. Don’t get all your information from one source, and don’t believe authority figures just because of their position. Check your work, check my work, check the media’s work. Ignorance is how we got in this mess of a presidency in the first place, don’t let it become part of the fabric of our society. Don’t let extremist rhetoric, and outlandish opinion pieces dictate our views. Do the research and make up your own mind, it’s not that hard.

“You are NOT entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your INFORMED opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant.” — Harlan Ellison

Shoutout to my sister for the title of this post. To watch her video on the same topic, click here!

TREAT YO SELF

You wanna know something Americans are terrible at? Politics. BOOM. Just kidding, I don’t have the energy to tackle THAT argument right now. But in all seriousness, Americans are terrible at self-care. Our way of life here in the states is completely inhibitive of active self-care, especially compared to many countries in the likes of Europe and Asia.

Why should you care about this, you ask? Well, I’d retort, don’t you care about YOURSELF? A typical working American’s week looks something like this: Work Monday through Friday, ideally from 9-5 but we all know those hours are creeping upwards with many people starting work as early as 7 and not finishing until past 6 pm. Then go home, take care of kids, or eat dinner, and watch TV. Then when the weekend rolls around, it is some variation of a Netflix binge fest, drinking and partying, or shuttling your kids to their activities. In short, the average American is not taking care of themselves at all. You might argue that watching TV at the end of a day counts as self-care, but while I binge TV with the best of them, vegging out in front of a screen is not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about proactively partaking in things that improve your quality of life.

The factors of self-care I’m going to list below will sound like common sense to most people but how many of us are actually taking the time to do them? The fact that I know most of you are going to roll your eyes makes me believe that these aren’t new or original ideas, but that know-it-all attitude isn’t translating into DOING it all and people aren’t even doing the bare minimum to take care of themselves.

1.) GET MOVING. Like always, exercise makes a huge difference. But this time, I’m not even talking about lifting weights, intervals, or running. The healthiest countries in the world do not usually have a strong fitness culture, but they DO have a strong walking culture. People will always walk when they can and are generally active in their daily lives, and as we all know, movement is good for your heart, your brain, AND your body. Americans, unfortunately, are extremely sedentary so even short walking or dance breaks can make a huge difference.

2.) EAT A GODDAMN VEGETABLE. Now I KNOW people are rolling their eyes at this one because I sound like everyone’s mother. Remember what I said above: we are talking the bare minimum here. But not only am I encouraging people to add some leafy greens here and there, it is also important to make sure you’re eating well, and regularly. Don’t skip breakfast, don’t work through lunch, and definitely don’t binge because you skipped a meal. Eating regularly and including as many food groups as you can, will help regulate your metabolism and keep your energy levels up!

3.) GET YOUR BEAUTY SLEEP. This is the sin that most Americans fall prey to whether you’re a middle schooler or nearing retirement. We are not getting enough sleep. While the amount of sleep you need varies based on your age and other factors, seven to nine hours tends to be the recommended amount. But what’s more, is that people don’t keep regular sleep schedules. We wake up for work at a regular hour but then sleep as much as we want on the weekend which totally messes up our body’s routine. Going to bed and waking up at the same hour can do wonders for your energy, your mental clarity, and even your skin.

4.) TAKE A VACATION. A real vacation. If you’re working, or even going to school, chances are you have some kind of vacation time or arrangement. Especially for my working folks out there, TURN OFF YOUR EMAIL. Too many Americans just don’t take advantage of time off, whether it is a weekend or a full on two-week trip abroad, most of us never disconnect. We are always keeping an eye on our email and that can really take its toll. We are one of the countries with the longest work days and the least vacation days, so when you do have the opportunity to unplug, DO IT, or eventually all that work will just burn you out.

5.) RELATIONSHIPS. Nowadays we have all sorts of relationships right at our finger tips, we go to parties, work events, and social commitments all the time. However, something that can get lost in the shuffle is working on a couple quality friendships. Ideally, these friends can be found close by so you guys can go to coffee or hang out, but if they are long distance that is fine too. Relationships need love and they ultimately feed your soul. Everybody always claims to wish for more time to spend with family and friends, but somehow it ends up low on the priority list from day to day. But if you carve out a little bit of time to catch up with friends at least once a week, it can be truly calming and rejuvenating.

And that’s it! Five simple things. FIVE. We all know that these are things that we should be doing, but somehow it is just so easy to get caught up in the lifestyle of work and commitments, and when we do have some time to ourselves it is perfectly understandable that we would just want to sit around and sleep or do nothing. But carving out a little bit of extra time and effort for your own personal wellness can do WONDERS for your overall attitude and peace of mind. All those little pockets of time focused on self-care can really add up and ultimately, if you take care of yourself, everything you touch will also be much better for it.

 

 

Read it and Weep

What was the last book you read? Did you choose to read said book by choice? Or was it for something else like school or work?

When my sister and I learned to read, we didn’t just read them, we DEVOURED THEM. I remember most of our Christmas gifts would be books and by the time Christmas break was over, we would have finished a good chunk (if not all) of the books we had just received. We would read everything! We read novels, fantasy, science fiction, history, historical fiction, and nonfiction.

My sister and I are, unfortunately, increasingly rare specimens of people. In an age where consuming information at hyper-fast speeds is becoming more and more important, many people claim they don’t have the time or the attention span to sit down and read an entire book. We favor online articles and social media to consume information, and to be honest, real life has gotten so ridiculous (American politics anyone?) that it may feel like you’re viewing fiction every time you check the news.

But I still think reading full on books and immersing yourself in a story is important. The majority of books I read are nonfiction or science fiction/fantasy. And I think there is a huge benefit to reading a wide range of books for personal growth and development (and to be one of those pretentious show offs at parties). Below, I’ve outlined how I divide the books in my library and why reading books from each of these categories has more benefits than you might think.

Nonfiction books have obvious benefits. They usually fall into two categories: self-help or history/biography. There is much to be gained by reading these types of books. You can learn techniques to directly help your wellness, success, or productivity. Or, by reading history and biography books you can learn about events and people that have shaped the world into what it looks like today and can increase your understanding and perspective on your environment. I know people think these can be boring or cheesy, or like reading a dry, boring history textbook, but some of these are dynamically written and just as gripping as that tabloid article on that celeb that did that thing (you know the one). My personal favorites in this category:

  1. Never Eat Alone (Keith Ferrazzi)
  2. How to Fail at Everything and Still Win Big (Scott Adams)
  3. Blink (Malcolm Gladwell — actually everything by him is great)
  4. GirlBoss (Sophia Amoruso)
  5. Alexander Hamilton (Ron Chernow)
  6. The Four Hour Workweek (Tim Ferris)

The next category is novels. I define novels as fictional stories that have realistic characters and settings. This category of book is important because it increases your thinking and perception about your world. Even though the stories told in this category are fiction, the struggles of the characters are usually very real and tackle topics that relate heavily with most people. This category of book resonates with me because it helps with my empathy and understanding of people. Going on a journey through a character’s life helps you see things through their eyes, and even though they are made up, that skill can transfer to your own, very real, life. My personal favorites in this category:

  1. A Thousand Splendid Suns (Khaled Hosseini)
  2. Fates and Furies ( Lauren Groff)
  3. The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo ( Stieg Larsson)
  4. The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini – this guy is a powerful writer ok?)
  5. The Butterfly Garden (Dot Hutchinson)
  6. The Picture of Dorian Gray (Oscar Wilde)
  7. Rich People Problems (Kevin Kwan, a guilty pleasure but a fun read nontheless)

The last important category in my repertoire is fantasy/fiction/sci-fi etc. I define this category as stories about things that are completely made up. The setting, circumstances, characters, and story are all completely fictional. These differ from novels because the setting is not real. This is my favorite genre because reading these books is kind of like watching a film for me. They tell these fantastical tales that my own brain can’t imagine and immerse me in a world that doesn’t exist to tell a story that ends up being highly relatable. These books are also my favorite because not only are they the most entertaining for me, I feel like they combine the best of the first two categories into one. Their characters are still intensely relatable which adds the empathy element found in novel studies, and they also encourage outside of the box thinking. In order to truly enjoy a fictional world, you have to understand the fictional rules and workings of that world and that thinking forces you to expand your mind and think about your own world more creatively. My favorites (I have so many here so I’ll only list a few):

  1. The Harry Potter Series (J.K. Rowling, this is a classic)
  2. Ender’s Game (Orson Scott Card)
  3. Enchanted (Orson Scott Card, honestly I’ve read all his books)
  4. Game of Thrones (George R.R. Martin, another expected one, but the books are honestly amazing)
  5. Ready Player One (Ernest Cline)
  6. Queen of the Tearling (Erika Johansen)
  7. The Selection (Kiera Cass)
  8. The Veldt (Ray Bradbury, this is a short story, but I love it)

I have been a reader all my life. I LOVE books, I’m such a nerd for all kinds of reading so I might be a bit biased, but being a strong reader definitely carries over into other elements of your life. Many people don’t want to spend the time reading or they claim school ruined reading for them, but reading should never be a chore and there are MILLIONS of books out there so there is something for everyone. Reading novels and books not only offers the benefits I described above, but it also drastically improves your thinking, writing, and vocabulary skills. I know I sound preachy, but there is literally NO downside to reading more books. Comment if you can think of one and we can have a lively discussion on the topic!

 

 

Bare Necessities

I’ve lived a pretty typical middle-class young adult life. I graduated high school, went to college, and now I have a job and am contributing (?) to society. However, because I went to a university across the country, studied abroad on the other side of the world, and now live completely on my own, I’ve realized that there are a few skills that I learned along the way that everyone should really know by the time they reach my age.

And obviously, as a plucky 22-year-old, I have TONS of wisdom to offer, and everything I say should be taken completely seriously. SO, with THAT said, the list below encompasses things you should’ve been figuring out how to do before you could even drink in this god-forsaken country.

  1. Cooking: I don’t care if it’s pasta, steak, or the meanest grilled cheese ever, you should know how to make yourself a quality hot meal. Extra credit: You can make more than one, and have a few go-to dishes for yourself and when you’re trying to impress! Look at you, you overachiever you.
  2. Skincare: Once again, this doesn’t have to be fancy, but so help me, if you’re not moisturizing your face and body then you are just asking for flaky lizard skin, not to mention, PREMATURE AGING (it’s ok to start screaming, I know it’s terrifying).
  3. Haircare: Get a hair cut regularly. Just DO it. You know it’s the right thing to do, and your hair feels so much better afterward. Also, don’t forget to shampoo AND condition.
  4. Shop for Underwear: You’re not a kid anymore and isn’t it just embarrassing to have your mom do this? You should know by now which kinds you like and what brands to invest in. People with boobs: if you so choose to wear bras, get fitted by an expert, it helps.
  5. Favorite Books: I know reading books for school sucks, but reading is good for you. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER. You should explore some genres and find a few books that blow your mind, the kind you’d recommend to others. A couple of mine: Ender’s Game, Perfume, and Never Eat Alone.
  6. Know how to change a tire: I actually fail on this account, but I know it is something I should learn. You never know when you’ll be in a tight spot with no cell service so your parents can talk you through it.
  7. Set a Schedule: I know this is EXTRA boring (unless you’re a planning fanatic like me) and I know you can set whatever hours you want since you’re an adult, but all that extra freedom is precisely why you need to learn to set your own schedule so you don’t turn into an ambitionless lump that has to peel themselves off their couch every Monday.
  8. Fitness: You knew this was coming didn’t you? I don’t care whether you walk, swim, yoga, or whatever. But pick something, and do it regularly.
  9. Traveling: Traveling alone can be stressful, you should know how to navigate airports, baggage issues, and how to get around in new places without your phone. Traveling is an unparalleled learning experience, and remember what I said earlier about knowledge and power? Yeah, exactly.
  10. Cleaning: Chances are, you have your own space by now, whether it’s a dorm room or an apartment. Being a slob is just unacceptable. Learn to pick up after yourself and how to clean different surfaces properly. There is no excuse for this. Don’t be nasty. Extra Credit: Doing your laundry without shrinking or ruining anything.

And there you have it, in my obviously learned opinion, these are the top ten things you should have figured out by the time you are a budding adult…there is literally no good way to classify this period of our lives is there? Young adult? Young person? Millenial? Comment the best way to classify those in their late teens/extremely early twenties because I have no good ideas for this…

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PC: the AMAZING Clara Yu

 

Fight it Out

I argue with my boyfriend. I argue with him A LOT. And he argues back…and it’s AMAZING.

Obviously, fighting, crying, shouting, and generally being frustrated with your significant other is never a fun experience, but a relationship without those conflicts is even worse.

Conflict is necessary in a romantic relationship. There will be tons of things you disagree on or dislike throughout your interactions and the worst thing you can do is sit on them and pretend they don’t exist. And while every disagreement should not turn into a knock-down drag-out MMA fight, sometimes it’s healthy to lose your temper a bit.

Personally, I consider myself lucky. My boyfriend has the patience of a middle school teacher who runs an orphanage on the weekends, whereas I have the short-temper of  Yosemite Sam. Most of our disagreements are solved pretty rationally and quickly, but every so often we work ourselves up into a shouting match. These don’t happen too frequently but they do almost always result in extreme frustration for him and tears for me. However, we are never able to go to sleep unless some kind of understanding is found so there is a lot of talking, explaining, and listening, and ultimately we end up feeling even better about our relationship.

First off, as I’ve alluded to above, working through conflict can help you grow closer and can strengthen communication. Honestly, most conflicts probably stem from a miscommunication in the first place and figuring out where you guys misunderstood each other and working to better comprehend each other’s intentions can actually improve your communication skills and in turn, can improve your relationship. Every time you are able to work through one of these conflicts, you will be able to uncover another element of the other person and grow even closer.

Secondly, sometimes it’s one of the ways you can tell that you both care about each other. Nobody gets angry over things that don’t matter to them, but if you get frustrated or angry with each other you know that whatever the issue is, it means a lot to the other person, and it means a lot that you understand them and why they are getting worked up. Now, I don’t mean to say you should use fighting to show you care, but fighting is a by-product of caring a lot. It is also a by-product of feeling comfortable enough in the relationship to argue without fearing a breakup or something equally dramatic.

And sometimes, it is just plain cathartic. Maybe your partner has been leaving their clothes on the floor for the past couple days and you decided to give them the benefit of the doubt and ignore it but finally, you snap and say something snarky and pick a fight. Maybe both of you have had a rough week and it just feels plain good to shout at each other for a little while and then have great makeup sex. Sometimes, that is just what you needed.

However, even though I believe conflict is important in a relationship, I do believe there should be some ground rules

1.) No hitting. This should go without saying, but violence is never the answer and physical abuse is not something to be taken lightly. At no point in any conflict should anyone resort to violence to make a point or to get the other to give in. This is just plain unacceptable.

2.) No name calling. It’s like your playground days again, isn’t it? Once again, this does way more harm that it’s worth in a fight. Never call names or call out personal characteristics because they will probably only hurt or anger the other person more, making the fight harder to resolve. Calling out hurtful past experiences, or using intimate information against the person is also a huge foul.

3.) No dismissals. I admit, sometimes this one is hard for me as I have a mean sarcastic streak, but you cannot, I repeat, CANNOT dismiss your partner’s feelings. Don’t roll your eyes, or patronize them, accuse them of “just being so defensive,” or tell them they are being dramatic. Any of those actions show contempt and show that you aren’t taking your partner’s feelings and statements seriously. This type of feeling is relationship SUICIDE. Your partner is feeling a certain way for a REASON, just as you feel certain ways for your own reasons, and it is not your place to tell them that their feelings are invalid just because you don’t understand them right away. This is a relationship and it is your responsibility to listen to your partner and sympathize with how they are feeling. If you dismiss your partner’s feelings or allow your own feelings to be dismissed, the issue at the root of the argument will never be resolved and will only taint your relationship moving forward.

Fights can be tough, and arguments are not fun to start or to be a part of, but they are inevitable in relationships. However, if you both make an effort to avoid being actively mean to each other, then most of these fights can actually result in improved understanding, and who doesn’t want a wholesome, healthy relationship with mutual respect and love? NO ONE, we all want it, so fight and make up and love each other.

 

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He smiles to hide how frustrated he gets when I lose my temper at the drop of a hat…

 

 

How to Be Alone

Since leaving college last year, I’ve taken a huge trip by myself, am living alone, and working from home. So it’s safe to say I have a lot of practice being alone. I live by myself, across the country from my parents, in a different country than my boyfriend and work so much it only makes sense to make plans on weekends with friends. Which means sometimes I go a whole day or a few days without interacting with anybody other than my skype meetings for work. Sometimes I go out to eat alone, sometimes I go to movies alone, and I most definitely go to the beach alone.

People are surprised when I tell them how much I do by myself. I feel like, for some reason, many people are embarrassed or uncomfortable to do things in public by themselves. But just because you do things alone doesn’t mean you’re lonely or a failure, there are actually tons of perks to doing things all by yourself.

First of all, you’re not limited — by anything! You’re not limited by which one of your friends is free, or what they want to do, or when they are available. If you want to see that indie flick, you don’t have to try and find a friend who is into it. If you want to try that new sushi restaurant you don’t have to deal with your boyfriend who is only ever feeling a burger. If you are interested in something, you can just go do it! You have that power!

I get that a huge part of the fun of experiencing things is sharing it with others and the laughter and discussion that goes along with that. But for me, I need both. I need those times with friends, family, and boyfriend. AND I need that alone time. And there’s nothing wrong with that. For me, going places and doing things alone allows me a level of efficiency and depth that I wouldn’t otherwise get.

For example, if I go shopping with friends, it can be fun, but it takes about twice as long to find all the things I’m looking for. If I’m alone, I’m in and out, and have so much more time. If I see a movie with friends, I know that they probably like to talk, but I prefer silence. This isn’t to say that I prefer being alone to doing things with the people that mean a lot to me. This is just to show that there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. Maybe you’re not in the mood to be around people but still want to do exciting activities, and you should feel comfortable having it both ways.

We think that if people see us spending time out alone they will judge us from afar, but how many times have you ever done that? You don’t stare at that guy at Starbucks who is at a table by himself, and you don’t feel sorry for someone if they are sitting by themselves at the movies. You barely even notice anyone but yourself anyways. Humans are self-absorbed, and in this case it is liberating!

Maybe we are all scarred from that one time we felt so embarrassed to sit alone at lunch in middle school (we all know those days were not fun for ANY of us). But now, life moves so fast, you can’t always wait for someone to catch up and live it with you, and nobody else has time to judge you for eating lunch alone anymore. Why limit yourself to what the everyone else wants to do when the power to do whatever you want, whenever you want, is sitting right in front of you?

 

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You can even take pics of yourself BY YOURSELF. Pro tip: prop your iPhone up on your purse and set the timer. 

 

“I would never let my daughter do that!”

Fatherhood is an interesting concept for me to think about because although I have a father, I can never become one. In the wake of Father’s day weekend, I’ve been thinking about why I appreciate my own father so much. While he’s done so many things for me that I can never be grateful enough, one trait, in particular, stands out.

My dad always made my sister and me feel capable. He always encouraged us to get out of our comfort zone, learn new things, and have new experiences. He rarely made us back off on a new opportunity because he was scared for us. This was prevalent when we were kids when he would push us to be better at our respective sports, or when he would try and get us to read books outside of class that pertained to classroom topics to increase our knowledge so we could get ahead.

Even as adults he never tries to pull us back for safety’s sake. A chief example is the nearly two-month long trip I went on by myself last summer. No family, no friends, just me! Most people, especially men who are my dad’s age, balk at this and say something along the lines of “Oh I could never let my daughter do that!” When I ask these people why, they always say something like “oh she’d get lost”, or “What if she’s attacked or taken”, or sometimes they don’t even have a reason! And I think to myself ‘Do you not think of your daughter as a capable person? Do you not think you’ve raised her to be smart and competent enough to be ok on her own?’ I don’t get it at all. When I said I was going alone, my dad barely batted an eye because he knew I was totally capable of handling any chaos a trip like that could throw at me. He has always thought very highly of my and my sister’s abilities and I’m only just now realizing how much it meant that he never underestimated us.

Nowadays, I work with a lot of men that are my dad’s age, and they sometimes develop this strange protective affliction. I say ‘affliction’ because they’re NOT my parents and shouldn’t be concerned with protecting me from work and should respect my ability to get the work done. But they sometimes end up treating me like their own daughters, but unlike my dad, they treat me as though I’m naive and fragile, and unable to do certain things on my own.

My dad NEVER does this. He would, of course, teach us new things or skills, but he never just assumed we needed protecting and for things to be done for us because we were incompetent. He EXPECTED us to know how to do everything for ourselves.

Surprisingly, and unfortunately, I’ve found that my dad’s behavior is a huge departure from how many fathers treat their daughters. Most tend to protect and worry about them more so than their sons and think them more at risk in the world, and less capable of handling that risk. Even if they don’t mean to do it, they feel their daughters are more fragile, and thus need more protection – from boys, knowledge, the world, EVERYTHING – but not my dad.

I could go on and on about everything else that makes my dad special, but he already knows he’s the best so I’ll leave you all with the thought that daughters should be expected to be capable, confident, and competent and any father who stands in the way of those traits, stands in the way of his daughter’s success.

 

daddy!

Me, My dad, and My sister all having a grand ol’ time in Mykonos last year.

 

“My Boyfriend Thinks I’m Fat!”

You guys remember that line? In “How to Lose a Guy in 10 days”? Where Kate Hudson is pretending to be a vegetarian so she and Matthew McConaughey are at this horrible vegan restaurant and she basically shout-cries “My boyfriend thinks I’m fat!” and then Matthew McConaughey freaks out and the waitress gives him like THE dirtiest look? (Here is the link in case you haven’t seen this cinematic masterpiece of a scene)

Now, I’ll admit, I used this line as a little bit of clickbait because MY boyfriend does NOT think I am fat, nor has he ever insinuated it which is the point of this article.

When you’re in a relationship, you want the other person to love everything about you. And as much as some of us claim it doesn’t matter, we also want them to love everything about our appearance. Which is why comments from them about our appearance can affect us in mysterious ways…

For example, a guy I dated once said he liked long nails. So I got acrylics. He never said he didn’t like my nails, but I know I never had any interest in having longer nails until I knew how much he liked them. Ergo, I later realized how much of an impact his passive opinion had on my actions.

One of my guy friends starting wearing his hair a different way one day when his crush made a brief comment on a photo she saw. Another friend dyed her hair blonde because her boyfriend said he missed her blonde hair.

Sometimes, I can’t even tell if I’m wearing an outfit because I love it or because I know my boyfriend will love it. To be fair, there’s nothing wrong with doing little things to make your significant other happy, but it becomes scary when people realize they can prey on their partner’s insecurities.

You remember the fat comment? Well, I doubt such an obvious insult would be used, but instead, people could say “Do you really need that extra piece of bread?” or things like “Why did you do that to your hair?” or “I really miss when your arms were bigger”. These sorts of comments can come from anyone — candid family members, toxic friends– but somehow it stings more when it comes from someone who you hoped worshipped your every particle.

Plus, some people really know what they’re doing and can time these sorts of underhanded comments to tear their partner down, and make sure their self-worth only comes from the relationship. The issue with this kind of interaction is that it can be extremely complicated to spot. The difference between “I miss when you were blonde” and “Why did you do that to your hair?” is difficult to distinguish, and a lot of it comes down to circumstance and context. However, at a certain point, these subtle digs become emotional abuse.

I didn’t mean to get so dark in this article, but if you’re in a relationship or are into someone, just be aware of what you do for them, as opposed to what you do for you. You’re never REQUIRED to change your appearance for anyone, even a romantic partner. It’s cliche, but true. If you pay attention to how their comments affect your actions, it will be easier to pick out instances where they make you feel special, or when they make you feel awful. Then you can give out hugs, discussion, or CANS OF WHOOP-ASS accordingly.

 

 

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My face when I’m about to tell someone off