Be Naked

We are born naked. That moment lasts a second before our tiny bodies are swaddled in blankets. As we age, we start dressing to flatter our bodies. You’re on the shorter side? Wear shorts and skirts that cut above the knee to elongate your body. You have a bit of a tummy? Wear floaty fabrics that don’t draw attention to it. We are all about covering and reshaping. But what if I challenged you to stand in front of your mirror naked? Just stand there and look. No floaty fabrics, cling in the right places, or spandex. Just you and your skin.

For a lot of people, this would make them uncomfortable. For whatever reason, their naked body makes them blush. This is a concept I never understood. I have never been able to fathom why their own nudity makes some people so uncomfortable. I must assume it is from familial or cultural traditions that I was not privy to.

Maybe my experience with nudity has been a bit different. Ever since I was little, nudity was never a big deal. I’m from one of those families that doesn’t close the door when we shower. When we were on vacation, my mom would make my sister and I strip down so she could spray every inch of us with sunscreen before we put on our swimsuits for the beach. That was just normal. I quickly realized when I would go to my friend’s houses that this behavior was not typical. My friends were horrified at the idea of seeing their family members naked or anyone seeing them naked. They made sure to close the door to the bathroom and it was completely unacceptable to walk in on anyone, for any reason (Luckily, I was an observant child and never made that mistake). But at my house, my sister and I would honestly have full on conversations while one of us was peeing. And if my mom was in the shower, I would be in the bathroom doing my makeup. My parents never made it a big deal and consequently, I never treated the naked body as anything out of the ordinary.

Then, when I joined swimming, nudity and exposure just became even more commonplace. Locker rooms twice a day, swim meets on weekends – eventually, you just lose any sense of modesty purely because it’s inconvenient. Furthermore, speedos and competition suits don’t really leave much to the imagination. I’ve been around nearly naked guys and girls since I was nine and even though we all obviously hit puberty, the nudity was already part of our lives. Swimming is just an exposed sport, and it was never a big deal.

I guess I can understand why people would be uncomfortable being naked in front of others. It’s an extremely vulnerable position to put yourself in. But sometimes nudity makes sense. We all have to change clothes, we all shower, and for the most part, we all have sex – all of which are activities that are made much easier by being nude. Yet some people will still painstakingly hide their bodies. They will only change in bathroom stalls, they will have sex under the sheets with the lights off, etc. But why are they afraid of their own bodies?

If you’re one of these people, I challenge you to stand in front of your mirror for a full minute, naked. Do it when no one is home. Lock yourself in your bathroom. I don’t care what you have to do to feel safe, but try it. Don’t focus on flaws or attributes, just take stock of what’s there and how everything fits together. I promise you don’t have anything that no one else has. This isn’t about body confidence or that whole positivity movement. This is about being aware of what your body truly looks like, and accepting that.

I’m grateful for the way I was raised and for swimming because they made me comfortable in my own naked skin. I was never made to feel that being exposed was bad, or that my nakedness was offensive. It was just there. I know from personal experience, the more comfortable you feel being naked alone, the less scary it is in front of others, and one day it might not even be a big deal to you at all.

WARNING: this confidence will throw some people off. My boyfriend is consistently afraid for my modesty when I strut around my own apartment nude. I assure him I don’t care who sees me naked. Surprisingly, that doesn’t calm him down 😉

 

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Photo Cred: Kiki Moussetis

 

 

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Ladies, buy a vibrator. Just do it.

I am honestly embarrassed by how long it took me to buy a vibrator. I started speaking out about female sexual empowerment years ago and yet I’ve only had a vibrator for a few months.

This topic can be a bit, ahem, personal for some. Vibrators are usually purchased for masturbation which is a topic some young women are still uncomfortable talking about. Buying and using a vibrator can be intimidating for a couple reasons, but I’m going to share how to get over those and why it is ultimately SO worth it to purchase one and to learn to use it.

Ok so first things first, the most intimidating factors that prevented me from getting a vibrator for so long are: an overwhelming amount of choices, cost, and fear of not being able to use it.

There are a million different vibrators out there and the best way to narrow that down is to get a recommendation. I put off getting one for years until I had a great discussion with a close friend about which ones she had found and liked. So, if you feel comfortable talking to your mom or your friends, ask them what they use! If not, go straight to the biggest sex store you can find and the sales people are usually amazingly kind and helpful. It is their job to make sure you find what you need. And as far as cost goes, you really don’t have to spend much to get a high-quality product. Check out this one from Amazon to see what I mean. Lastly, if you’re afraid you won’t know how to use it, I promise you will be fine. This is a personal purchase which means you have tons of freedom to figure it out on your own without any pressure. You never have to feel insecure or weird because you’re the only one in the room!

The reason I think these are so vital is because the return on an investment in a vibrator is twofold. And we are talking twofold in a big way.

First off, purchasing a vibrator allows you much more freedom to explore your sexuality in a solo environment. Although this could take a sec to get used to, adding an extra element to your personal sex life could give you a much wider range of sensations to experience and can help you figure out what kinds of things you especially like. Factors such as pressure and frequency are easily regulated in this situation and can help you pinpoint what it is that your body responds to the most. This knowledge is vastly helpful when you add in a human partner to the mix because then you know EXACTLY what you want and feel way more comfortable being able to ask for what you want instead of being unsure or confused.

The second major benefit to owning a vibrator is that it can help put you in control of your own pleasure. For example, I have a long-distance boyfriend, but I should not be limited to only having an orgasm when he’s around. The vibrator allows me to have one whenever the fuck I want, just as guys can come whenever they want. Furthermore, some sex positions aren’t really conducive to an orgasm for me, but if I add a vibrator it makes things WAY more interesting.

Female anatomy can be confusing to figure out in the pleasure sector and some ladies might not even need a vibrator to achieve those elusive O’s. But I for sure did. In just a few months of owning one, I have discovered so much more about what I like and about my body and I consider that kind of knowledge ABSOLUTELY INVALUABLE. So if you’re unsure about what you like or are having trouble reaching that next level of satisfaction, maybe look into getting one. There’s no harm in at least checking them out 😉

 

Talk to Me, Baby

Awhile ago I did a post about asking for what you want in a relationship. I went over things like not getting angry at someone when they can’t read your thoughts, getting space, or asking for a little extra love and care. What I did not really touch on was asking for what you want in bed.

I’m not talking about dirty talk. That’s a whole other ball game– Fuck me harder; I want you inside of me– Those aren’t what I’m referring to. I’m referring to the simple act of making sure you get what you want in bed.

I won’t embarrass my boyfriend too much by oversharing, but I will say that we were trying something new in bed the other day when he used a phrase that threw me off. It wasn’t anything mean or unusual, but it totally got in my head and killed the mood for me. As any chance of my orgasm slipped away (not forever, just in that moment, jeez), I told him that I didn’t think I could come, and that I thought what he had said had affected the outcome.

It was literally that simple. I said, “I don’t think I’m going to come” and then I said, “When you said _______, it really got in my head and then I couldn’t get past it”. We talked about why it may have put me off and then we agreed to make note of it in future instances.

I can name tons of instances like this one. Smaller ones like, “Can you shift your weight to the right side?” or bigger ones like “IT BURNS, NO, STOP”. Just kidding…

I’ve known tons of friends that let these small things go. They either pretend to be really into it, or they passively allow it to continue. This goes for girls and guys as many feel awkward about these small, unsexy moments. But EVERYONE has those things they really like or really don’t like. Maybe you hate someone’s tongue in your ear, maybe this position strains your back, maybe there’s like one little hair down there that is being pushed around the wrong way. NOTHING IS TOO SMALL.

So let me put it this way. In most situations, sex should be a consensual, mutually beneficial affair. Which means, not only do both parties (or more, I’m not judging) want to enjoy themselves, they want the other party to enjoy themselves. Half the fun of having sex is being able to literally have influence in the pleasure for another person. So if we think about it this way, by bringing up these small requests you will enhance your own sex life, as well as your partner’s.

What are you afraid of?

-That it’s not sexy to ask? Well does being uncomfortable feel sexier?!

-That the other person will be mad? Kick them out then, they sound horrible.

-You’ll kill the mood? The mood is clearly already dying for you anyways, so do what you can and SAVE IT!

This topic honestly kills me because the reasoning against asking for what you want or what you don’t want are so small in the grand scheme of things. And hey, if you’re in a relationship, look at this as a long-term investment. You mention something once, and it might cost you a bit of awkwardness, but you won’t have to worry about it again! And if you’re not in a relationship, it’s good practice for all the different kinds of sex you’ll be getting. However, I will say there is one exception to this. It can be awfully hard to ask for what you want, if you don’t know what you want and I will definitely be covering that soon!

 

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Happy banging….

 

Sex on the Beach

No, I’m not talking about the sinfully delicious cocktail, I’m talking about honest to goodness beach BANGING. The whole concept has a passionate, romantic connotation, and after this summer, I definitely have a few opinions to share.

First off, the prettier the beach, the more careful you MUST be. Pretty beaches traditionally come with GORGEOUS, soft, powdery sand. And that sand WILL get everywhere, and I do mean EVERYWHERE. So think about that for a second…Most of my experiences with this occurred on rocky beaches or beaches with grittier sand that wasn’t as sticky.  However, if you really start to get hot and heavy on the powder, find a nice big beach towel to lay down on, or don’t say I didn’t warn you…think SANDPAPER. DOWN THERE.

Second, I recommend girl on top for any beach shenanigans. My reasoning for this is very simple. Female sex organs are internal, which means sand and other things can literally get INSIDE us. Whereas men have their sex organs outside of their body and don’t harbor the same risk. Girls, if you’re on top, you’re farther away from the sand, which means you’re more likely to escape that sandpaper feeling I was referring to…

Third, unless you own your own private island (in which case, INVITE ME), chances are, your beach sex will be taking place in a tourist destination which means avoiding other beach goers as well as the authorities. And THINK OF THE CHILDREN. To combat this, one, obviously go under the cover of darkness, preferably between the hours of 2 and 4am to have best chance of privacy. And SECOND, wear a dress. You can just pretend you’re cuddling or play fighting if you get caught on top of one another but everything is still hidden under the dress.

Ok, lastly, sex on the beach can be difficult to pull off due to the aforementioned. But honestly, what cancels all of that out, is the spontaneity aspect. The idea that you’re with someone and you have to have them, RIGHT there, RIGHT now, on the sand. Honestly, as long as you don’t get caught by the police, the other stuff doesn’t really matter, and it’s pretty fucking hot. 10/10 highly recommend.