The Mental Impact of Physical Injuries

I can count on one hand how many times I’ve been injured in my life. I have never gone to the hospital or the emergency room. I’ve never broken a bone. I’ve had surgery for my wisdom teeth removal and that’s about it. I was an active child that enjoyed playing sports, climbing trees, and biking around but the worst I ever got was some skinned knees. My athletic career was as a swimmer, which, in the grand scheme of things, might be one of the hardest sports to get injured in as the worst thing I ever did was pull a muscle. And my workouts since leaving competitive swimming have simply revolved around maintaining my strength, fitness, and flexibility to be ready to take on just about any activity.  I have pretty much always defined myself, at least in part, by my health and athleticism.

This is by design. I obviously have to attribute some of this to good genetics (my parents aren’t prone to much illness/injury either), but I also feel like I can attribute this to my focus on maintaining my health. I try to eat balanced, workout regularly, and maintain regular sleep and hydration schedules. I spend time outside, I manage my stress, I go to therapy. I do all the ‘wellness things’. So when I got injured last week, I was PISSED. 

My foot started hurting on Monday. I’ve had soreness and little tweaks before that just resolved themselves with little thought from me. So when I felt the small amount of pain on Monday, I thought it was nothing and went for a run as normal on Tuesday. But then the pain starting getting worse over the course of Tuesday and by Wednesday I couldn’t put any weight on my left foot due to the intense pain. I was never able to trace the initial pain on Monday back to anything specific, but the run was definitely the nail in my coffin.

I immediately called my mom about my pain for two reasons - 1. She was a former D1 basketball player so she has a bit of experience with sprained ankles, and 2. She also likes to avoid the doctor at all costs (probably where I got it from) and would help me treat it myself (seriously, she only goes to the doctor when on the brink of death).

The first thing to do for a sprain is*, no surprise, stop using whatever is sprained! In my case, that meant no workouts, walking, or even standing on my affected ankle (not that I could anyways). I hopped around my apartment for a day and then my mom drove in to give me her crutches. The next thing to try is the RICE method. R-rest, I-Ice, C-Compression, E-Elevation. I highly encourage reviewing the link, but basically all of the RICE components are designed to mitigate pain and swelling. NSAIDs (Nonsteroidal Anti-inflammatory drugs) are also encouraged. 

For me, implementing this meant that I worked from my couch with my ankle wrapped in an ACE bandage, propped up on two couch cushions (elevation means to elevate at an angle slightly higher than your heart), and icing two times a day while taking Advil three times per day. 

Because I don’t get injured often, I don’t fully appreciate my body’s ability to heal either. But it was incredible. On Wednesday, I couldn’t walk at all, by the end of the day on Thursday I could put some weight on my foot, by the end of the day on Friday, I could limp without the crutches for short stretches, by end of day Saturday I could walk short distances without limping, and by Sunday, I could walk normally! It took less than a week for my body to heal itself. I could literally feel the progress between the morning and evening of each day.

So I was in a lot of pain for maybe four days total. By Saturday I was able to do short walks and this whole week I’ve been doing low impact workouts. I was barely out of commission, but last Wednesday I was devastated. All I did was suffer an ankle sprain. But when I woke up with intense pain, and had to hop to the bathroom, I then cried myself back to sleep. Not so much because of the pain, but because I was ashamed.

I was on the brink of tears for the first two days, from embarrassment alone. And no one but my boyfriend or my sister even saw me on those days! But I realized that I had taken my health completely for granted. Yes, I engage in activities every day to maintain it, but it had gotten to the point where I had been defining myself in part by my health. I considered myself an active, strong, fit, nearly invincible person, so I felt humiliated that something as small as an ankle sprain had rendered me pretty much useless. I had been tying my worth as a human, directly to my health.

We are currently in the middle of a pandemic, and on top of that there are tons of people around the world who suffer from chronic sickness or pain every day. That’s not to say my ankle sprain didn’t hurt - it did - but it did make me realize that even though I have spent the majority of my life being healthy, it’s not something I can take for granted,  and it’s also something I should be careful about when it comes to my identity. 

Injury and sickness happen, especially in times like this, so beating myself up over a simple sprain, which was probably just my body’s way of telling me to finally take a break, is nothing to be ashamed of. It sucks for sure, but it was a good reminder that I’m allowed to be gentle with myself sometimes. I’m allowed to take time off, and that I should emphasize other ways to define myself since my health is never guaranteed. 

And although it may sound cliche, the same goes for all of us right now. You don’t have to push yourself just because you have ‘the time’, be kind to yourself, and listen to your body and mind when it tells you to maybe take a rest day. If you’re waking up with no pain or sickness right now, that’s a huge accomplishment in this environment and that is allowed to be enough. 

‘Tis possible I aggravated my ankle during some strenuous hiking in Zion and then my workouts the following week were just too much…

*I am NOT A DOCTOR or any type of medically trained professional. If you have pain that you’re unsure about, it is best that you do see one of the aforementioned instead of reading blog posts :)