How Comparison Culture is Ruining My Twenties

“Comparison is the thief of joy”  - Theodore Roosevelt. 

We know this. We know comparison culture is rampant in today’s society and we also know that it rarely leads to someplace good. With instant access to seemingly everyone’s highlight reel, it can be alarmingly easy to fall into a toxic rabbit hold of comparison and I am no exception. 

Personally, I’m not too affected by the prevalence of perfect bodies or airbrushed makeup, and I don’t envy people with extraordinarily expensive items or lifestyles. My personal comparison hell spiral is caused by the Forbes 30 under 30 list and all other lists like it. The 2021 list was recently released and although I’ve avoided looking at it so far this year, it’s mere existence causes my feelings of inadequacy to skyrocket. 

Lists like that one reward people who experience enormous success - in wide-ranging arenas - but only if they do it early in life. I’m 26. Still young enough to theoretically qualify for such a list but I have done absolutely nothing that would even put me in the running. 

When I look at my life objectively, I can’t be that mad about it. I make good money, can afford to do everything I want to do, I have great relationships, I’m healthy, and overall I’m happy most of the time. But whenever I come across those lists, my brain goes nuts. I wreak havoc on myself and everything I have, or really have not, accomplished. 

I ask myself why I haven’t done anything of note. Why have I just been sitting on my ass while these people are making an impact? Why haven’t I been working harder? Why haven’t I been building a business? Publishing industry-changing research? Becoming a gold medalist? I tear down everything I’ve done and tell myself it means nothing because I haven’t been recognized on any sort of external forum. I’ve done nothing to impact other people and I probably never will. 

Logically, I know these lists are pretty arbitrary. Success at a young age doesn’t mean continued success, and experiencing success after the age of 30 also doesn’t make it any less relevant. But our society continues to reward success at a young age. We love stories of prodigies and are impressed when people build something successful while in their teens. You can be catapulted to more fame and fortune for doing something early in life rather than later. Doing it later is expected, doing it early is framed as incredible. Despite their minority, we circulate these stories far more than the ones about people who experience success later in life even though those are way more common and arguably more inspiring. 

The reinforcement of early success puts enormous, unnecessary pressure on kids still in school and young people like myself. I know some of this pressure is self-inflicted but when I allow it to take hold, it makes me feel completely worthless. If I haven’t done something by now, does it all even matter? 

This is my personal constant comparison battle. I go back and forth almost daily. Some days I feel proud of everything I’ve done and become, and other days I feel as if I’ve done nothing and have wasted my 26 years on this Earth so far. 

Something that helps on those days, is to remind myself of the sacrifices those 30 under 30 people had to make. Although they’re being rewarded for their success now, it didn’t happen overnight. I’m sure there were tons of times they were confused, struggling, or second-guessing themselves. Furthermore, they may have had to make sacrifices with their money, their free time, or their relationships in order to get this far. Any way I slice it, there is always an unseen part to their story. A part the magazine article will never talk about because it’s not glamorous and it’s not fun. Knowing that there are parts like that to everyone gives me comfort. 

The same can be applied to any comparison game. When you look at someone’s body, you have no idea how it really formed. How much genetics plays a part or how much they stress over it every day. When you look at someone’s wealthy lifestyle, you can’t truly tell how they got there, or if it makes them happy. Reminding myself that there are tangible ordinary, dull parts to everyone’s life helps me get through it and if you find yourself in one of these spirals, you should remind yourself of that too.  

I’m so happy when I’m not thinking about everything so hard.