Therapy: An Update

I recently stopped going to therapy. It’s now been almost three weeks without a session which is the longest I’ve gone without one since this time last year. 

Therapy has been one of the most important things I have ever done for myself, you can read my more formal review of the process here. But recently I was going into my sessions without much to say. If I did have something that happened to be on my mind, chances are I already had formulated a plan to deal with it or had already started digging in to why I was feeling that way. On top of that, the service I was using was $280 a month. That amount bought me weekly formal sessions as well as unlimited texting with my therapist. When I was having productive weekly sessions, this was a great deal, but as I started having less to say, I was having trouble justifying the price tag for something I wasn’t getting the same amount of value out of. 

Now I find myself facing an interesting question: Should I still go to therapy even if nothing is bothering me? 

My gut reaction was yes. I usually compare therapy to the gym. I’m not exactly training for something specific but I do still go to the gym every day, so why wouldn’t I treat my mental health the same way? 

The gym is a physical release. I go to clear my head, get some endorphins, and take care of my body. I already do many similar things for my mental health outside of therapy. I see friends and family, I study languages and other topics, I journal a ton. These things either stimulate my mind, increase endorphins, or allow for a sense of release as well. 

I realized therapy was of the most value to me when I found myself in one of the following situations --

I didn’t understand why I was feeling a certain way

I didn’t know how to cope with feeling a certain way, even if I knew why

I was looking for permission to feel a certain way

By virtue of the last year of therapy, the third situation has all but disappeared. I give myself a lot more grace than I did in the past and am ok with allowing myself to feel what I need to feel. As for the first two, they just don’t occur as acutely anymore. I find myself better equipped to question myself and my motives and even if I am confused I’m usually able to make headway by just giving the problem space and a little bit of journaling attention. 

Furthermore, there are some things that no amount of therapy can help. For example, I still have a lot of anxiety about not being able to travel overseas. But I have already beaten this topic to death in therapy, I have my coping strategies, and it’s not going away until the external reasons for it go away - which are, of course, completely out of my control.

In any case, I don’t think I would’ve been able to approach my mental health in quite as calm and structured of a way, had I not spent the last year regularly seeing a therapist. Therapy really helped me develop the skills to frame my own thoughts in palatable formats. Instead of being overwhelmed by emotions or confused by them, I’m now able to quickly break them down, allow myself to feel them, and analyze how I should react to them. As a result, I’m much calmer and more gracious with my own feelings and in my relationships with others. Even just one year of therapy made a huge difference in my life and even though I might not return to it in the same way, I am still so thankful that I did it - especially over a year of such global turmoil. 

This all brought me to my decision to put therapy on pause for the time being. I was paying a ton of money for something that wasn’t helping me anymore, and I wanted to take a moment to see how I could incorporate setting aside time for my mental health in a more intentional way. Moving forward, I’m toying with the idea of just doing weekly check-ins with myself or alternatively going back to therapy but maybe on a less frequent basis, like once a month, but I haven’t figured out my optimal strategy quite yet. 

The gym is something I get value from every time I go, and now I’m looking for similar practices for my mental and emotional health. Therapy, while extremely helpful, especially as a place to start, is not the only method, nor is it necessarily a forever method. I felt guilty at first for wanting to stop, since it felt like maintenance I was ‘supposed’ to be doing, but when I framed it next to the feeling I got after the gym, I realized the value was not the same anymore and it was time for me to pursue  the next phase. The same goes for anyone trying to improve their mental health. Therapy is great, but your mental and emotional health is intensely personal and figuring out the right combination of practices for you is crucial.

Good luck! Feel free to message me or comment if you’re interested in more info about therapy!

Northern Wisconsin