Feeling like a loser? That's because you're thinking like one.
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Most people are resistant to change right? Do you know why though? Do you know why we get this anxious little feeling in our stomachs when someone tells us things have to be different? It's because we really don’t like to have our status quo upset (STICK TO THE STATUS QUO! We could learn a lot from High School Musical, honestly). We don't want to change because the current situation is the known situation. The current situation is safe. The current situation works, even if it’s not ideal.
In my mind, there are two types of change – forced change, and sought change. The first type is when your circumstances change beyond your control. Like when your company decides to start a huge initiative, or when harsh weather alters driving patterns, or when you get broken up with. Although all these changes are outside your control, it’s important to note here that in almost all scenarios, you still have choices. For example, if your company starts a new initiative, you can either stay and get involved, stay and be passively supportive, stay and be passively against it, stay and be outspoken and against it, or you can leave the company altogether.
The second type of change, the far more common type, is sought after change. We seek out change more than we realize and yet we still have the audacity to be offended by it when things actually do change. We look for new jobs, we apply for those jobs, and then we agonize over whether to take said jobs. We look for new people to date, we date them, and then we agonize over next moves in the relationship.I know exactly zero people who have not sought out any changes in their lives. Change truly is an inevitability of life and yet there are some people out there who resist it at every turn. But as I mentioned above, most of the time, the change was sought after in the first place. So it’s not as if people don’t want to improve and change their lives, it’s that they are desperately afraid to turn their back on the known entity that is their current situation.Why do we want to hang on to the situation we’re already in? Because it’s fucking hard to change. Not only are the logistics of change hard (i.e. moving states or countries is expensive and time consuming), but the mental and emotional impact of change can be brutal. It's not fun to be out of your element, to be the ignorant or inexperienced one, especially if you're used to filling that role in your current life. It's tough to give up the things you are already confident in to replace them with potentially better, yet still unknown things.
Personally, I really try to embrace change as much as possible. Of course, there are things I would hate to change – I would hate to give up my friends, family, or boyfriend. But I try to be as open as possible to new career opportunities, new social opportunities, travel, cultures, and locations to live. This comes at a cost though. Each change carries its own emotional weight. *Moving to a new city, state, or country is not easy. Starting over is not easy. Traveling alone to a new place is not easy. Dating new people is not easy. Starting a new job is not easy. And even though every single one of these things that I’ve done has been really hard, they’ve also been supremely rewarding. If I had not actively sought and embraced these changes, I would not be the person I am today. I would not be as independent, I would not be as empathetic, I would not be as intelligent or open-minded, and who knows what else I wouldn’t be! So even though I am fully aware of how difficult change is, I still seek it out, over and over again, because I know that it makes me more confident, and I am absolutely sure that there is always something to be gained.If you’re struggling with making a change, then try flipping your perspective. All change and situations have two sides, but it’s up to you as to which side you want to view those.